Ice Breakers: Starting a conversation on a dating app

Steve Manley
5 minutes ago
3 min read

Starting a conversation on a dating app can feel like stepping into unknown territory.

When you're starting a conversation on a dating app, the first message often decides whether you get a reply or get left on read. Crafting that initial message takes more than just a simple "Hey" or "What's up?" It requires thought, creativity, and a touch of personality to stand out in a sea of matches. This post will guide you through what to say in your first message to make a great impression and spark a meaningful conversation.

Eye-level view of a smartphone screen showing a dating app chat interface with a thoughtful first message

Understand the Importance of Your First Message

Your first message is your chance to show genuine interest and personality. It sets the tone for the conversation and can either invite a response or close the door. Many people receive dozens of messages daily, so standing out is key. A well-crafted message shows you’ve taken time to read their profile and are interested in more than just their photos.

Avoid Generic Openers

Messages like "Hey," "Hi," or "What's up?" rarely get responses. They don’t give the recipient anything to engage with or respond to. Instead, aim for openers that invite a reply and show you’ve paid attention to their profile.

Examples of generic openers to avoid:

"Hey"
"Hi there"
"What’s up?"
"You’re cute"

Use Profile Details to Personalize Your Message

One of the best ways to start a conversation is by referencing something specific from their profile. This shows you’re interested in them as a person and not just sending the same message to everyone.

How to personalize your message:

Mention a hobby or interest they listed
Comment on a travel photo or favorite place
Ask about a book, movie, or music they like

Example:

"I saw you love hiking. Have you explored any great trails nearby recently?"

This approach invites them to share more about themselves and makes your message feel thoughtful.

Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions encourage longer replies and keep the conversation flowing. Avoid questions that can be answered with a simple "yes" or "no."

Good open-ended questions include:

"What’s your favorite way to spend a weekend?"
"If you could travel anywhere right now, where would you go?"
"What’s a movie you could watch over and over?"

These questions invite stories and opinions, making it easier to connect.

Use Humor Carefully

A light joke or playful comment can break the ice and show your personality. However, humor is subjective, so keep it friendly and avoid sarcasm or anything that could be misunderstood.

Example:

"I’m on a mission to find the best pizza in town. Any recommendations or should we start a taste test together?"

This kind of message is fun, casual, and opens the door for a shared interest.

Keep It Short and Sweet

While it’s important to be thoughtful, avoid writing a long message that might overwhelm the other person. A few sentences that show interest and invite a reply work best.

A good first message structure:

Greet them by name or username
Mention something from their profile
Ask a question or make a comment that invites a response

Example:

"Hi Sarah, I noticed you love jazz music. Have you been to any good live shows lately?"

Avoid Overly Personal or Intense Topics

The first message is not the time to dive into deep or controversial topics. Keep it light and positive. Avoid discussing politics, religion, or past relationships until you know each other better.

Be Yourself and Stay Genuine

Authenticity is attractive. Don’t try to be someone you’re not just to impress. Write messages that feel natural to you and reflect your personality. If you’re funny, be funny. If you’re thoughtful, show that side.

What to Do If You Don’t Get a Reply

Not every message will get a response, and that’s okay. People have different reasons for not replying, many of which have nothing to do with you. If you don’t hear back, move on gracefully and try again with someone else.

Final Tips for First Messages

Proofread your message to avoid typos or awkward phrasing
Use proper grammar and punctuation to show effort
Avoid using too many emojis or slang unless it fits your style
Don’t send multiple messages if you don’t get a reply right away

Crafting a great first message takes practice, but it’s worth the effort. By showing genuine interest, asking engaging questions, and being yourself, you increase your chances of starting a meaningful conversation.